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Dec. 11th, 2005 02:50 am10-11 December, 2005
Milliways
Even the Grammaton Cleric is seeing more of his girlfriend than me. Dammit.
... well, no, that's not true, that's not fair- she died and came here, that happens- it's just...
I've been afraid of this for quite some time now and I always talked myself out of it. There was always something else to think about, or something else to do, or some reason to put the thought aside. But honestly, now, after seeing this, after seeing them, after thinking about it...
I don't think Romana wants me any more.
She knows where she can find me most of the time. She knows how to go looking for me if I'm not there. She probably knows how time passes in Milliways. She's too experienced a Time Lord to get lost or stuck in a pocket or something (God help me, if something happened and got her stuck in Time somewhere I'd have to learn how to travel the way they do and probably build my own dimensional vehicle just to go find her!). She just... isn't here. Ever. I don't remember the last time she was in here, the last time I saw her- any of it. I know I thought maybe the reason I woke up in bed when I fell asleep in the shower was her, but honestly, I was fresh from an enormous battle and so low on blood I'm surprised the Bar didn't jam a line in my arm via wait-rat when I arrived. I could've somnambulated to bed for all I know. It makes more sense than her being there just long enough to get me out of the shower and vanish before I wake up.
I'm human. I know she said originally that that didn't bother her. She said I'd be perfect if it weren't for that fact. It didn't bother her then, but she's had time to think- maybe that's what's bothering her. Maybe something else, I don't know- I haven't seen her since before Ecto, so I doubt it's that. Human's the big thing. Maybe she's had time to realize that I was a mistake, that she thought she was in love with me but that she was mistaken- I don't know. I know one day something'll happen-
Oh no.
Oh God.
What if she's been killed and regenerated and she doesn't remember? Or- merciful mother of Oppenheimer, no- what if she's regenerated and she does remember and the new version of her thinks I was a mistake? I could take the first. At least that's a simple thing. It'd hurt but I could take it and let it go. I don't think I could take the second.
Please let me be wrong.
I miss her so damn much right now.
Milliways
Even the Grammaton Cleric is seeing more of his girlfriend than me. Dammit.
... well, no, that's not true, that's not fair- she died and came here, that happens- it's just...
I've been afraid of this for quite some time now and I always talked myself out of it. There was always something else to think about, or something else to do, or some reason to put the thought aside. But honestly, now, after seeing this, after seeing them, after thinking about it...
I don't think Romana wants me any more.
She knows where she can find me most of the time. She knows how to go looking for me if I'm not there. She probably knows how time passes in Milliways. She's too experienced a Time Lord to get lost or stuck in a pocket or something (God help me, if something happened and got her stuck in Time somewhere I'd have to learn how to travel the way they do and probably build my own dimensional vehicle just to go find her!). She just... isn't here. Ever. I don't remember the last time she was in here, the last time I saw her- any of it. I know I thought maybe the reason I woke up in bed when I fell asleep in the shower was her, but honestly, I was fresh from an enormous battle and so low on blood I'm surprised the Bar didn't jam a line in my arm via wait-rat when I arrived. I could've somnambulated to bed for all I know. It makes more sense than her being there just long enough to get me out of the shower and vanish before I wake up.
I'm human. I know she said originally that that didn't bother her. She said I'd be perfect if it weren't for that fact. It didn't bother her then, but she's had time to think- maybe that's what's bothering her. Maybe something else, I don't know- I haven't seen her since before Ecto, so I doubt it's that. Human's the big thing. Maybe she's had time to realize that I was a mistake, that she thought she was in love with me but that she was mistaken- I don't know. I know one day something'll happen-
Oh no.
Oh God.
What if she's been killed and regenerated and she doesn't remember? Or- merciful mother of Oppenheimer, no- what if she's regenerated and she does remember and the new version of her thinks I was a mistake? I could take the first. At least that's a simple thing. It'd hurt but I could take it and let it go. I don't think I could take the second.
Please let me be wrong.
I miss her so damn much right now.
