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Oct. 12th, 2007 08:57 amMemorandum
To: Warehouse Staff
CC: file
From: Ralph Dellums, Sr., Warehouse Director
Date: Thursday, October 11, 2007
Re: Warehouse Residency Policy
All Warehouse employees are hereby reminded that according to the Employee Handbook, it is explicitly forbidden for any Warehouse employee to establish a cot, bunk, or other quasi-residential space on Warehouse property. Temporary overnight sleeping space is provided by the Warehouse in events of weather-related emergencies, and under other circumstances, employee sleeping on the premises is strictly prohibited. Such action can result in the Warehouse being considered a 'residence' for purposes of taxation and zoning, if any local government official ever remembers that we exist.
We will now pause for mass snickering on the part of Warehouse employees.
Seriously, people, sleeping on the job is bad enough. Setting up a sleep space intended to last more than a single night is a serious problem. Last night's mass paralysis has been traced to the use of an antique candle of the variety known as a 'Hand of Glory' (Aarne-Thompson 958E*), and those only work on residential ground. I'm calling a full Warehouse inventory right now.
Memorandum
To: Warehouse Staff
CC: David M. Walker, Comptroller General
From: Ralph Dellums, Sr., Warehouse Director
Date: Friday, October 12, 2007
Re: Contents of Space XF-23-2
It is my acute displeasure to report that the crate at space XF-23-2 is officially not on the premises. A full Security sweep and review is under way, but preliminary analysis of entrance and exit video as well as aisle vidcam feeds for all Warehouse aisles connected to either Aisle XF or Aisle 23 reveals no intruder in the visible portion of the EM spectrum. Thermal and shed skin-cell analysis to follow.
Memorandum
To: Joan Skvarla, Director, US National Paranormal Activity Survey
CC: file
From: Ralph Dellums, Sr., Warehouse Director
Date: Friday, October 12, 2007
Joan-
Someone stole XF-23-2. Caucasian male, red hair, probably not in the best of health. STRONGLY suggest you keep an eye out for reports of local plagues, pestilences, mass difficulty sitting down, etc. (1 Sam. 5:6-12)
Ralph
To: Warehouse Staff
CC: file
From: Ralph Dellums, Sr., Warehouse Director
Date: Thursday, October 11, 2007
Re: Warehouse Residency Policy
All Warehouse employees are hereby reminded that according to the Employee Handbook, it is explicitly forbidden for any Warehouse employee to establish a cot, bunk, or other quasi-residential space on Warehouse property. Temporary overnight sleeping space is provided by the Warehouse in events of weather-related emergencies, and under other circumstances, employee sleeping on the premises is strictly prohibited. Such action can result in the Warehouse being considered a 'residence' for purposes of taxation and zoning, if any local government official ever remembers that we exist.
We will now pause for mass snickering on the part of Warehouse employees.
Seriously, people, sleeping on the job is bad enough. Setting up a sleep space intended to last more than a single night is a serious problem. Last night's mass paralysis has been traced to the use of an antique candle of the variety known as a 'Hand of Glory' (Aarne-Thompson 958E*), and those only work on residential ground. I'm calling a full Warehouse inventory right now.
Memorandum
To: Warehouse Staff
CC: David M. Walker, Comptroller General
From: Ralph Dellums, Sr., Warehouse Director
Date: Friday, October 12, 2007
Re: Contents of Space XF-23-2
It is my acute displeasure to report that the crate at space XF-23-2 is officially not on the premises. A full Security sweep and review is under way, but preliminary analysis of entrance and exit video as well as aisle vidcam feeds for all Warehouse aisles connected to either Aisle XF or Aisle 23 reveals no intruder in the visible portion of the EM spectrum. Thermal and shed skin-cell analysis to follow.
Memorandum
To: Joan Skvarla, Director, US National Paranormal Activity Survey
CC: file
From: Ralph Dellums, Sr., Warehouse Director
Date: Friday, October 12, 2007
Joan-
Someone stole XF-23-2. Caucasian male, red hair, probably not in the best of health. STRONGLY suggest you keep an eye out for reports of local plagues, pestilences, mass difficulty sitting down, etc. (1 Sam. 5:6-12)
Ralph
