A Journey Cross-Country To Smack David Eddings

[gone_byebye]

The door opens from Milliways onto a truck stop somewhere in southeastern Oregon. More specifically, onto the farthest edge of the truck stop's parking lot, away from the gas pumps and the smokers and everything else that goes on outside a truck stop's main buildings. Ray made a point of finding the hardest-to-spot location to access Milliways for this. "Here we are, guys," he calls over his shoulder. "We've still got a long way to go before we reach Mr. Eddings' house."

Comments

[autocommander.livejournal.com]

A duffle bag slides out the door first, coming to a stop at Ray's feet.

Then Optimus comes through with the THX sound sped up a whole lot. With surprising stealth for a 35-foot-tall robot, he makes his way to the parking area and quickly transforms. Both doors swing open on their own.

The only vehicle nearby is an orange van with "Brew Or Bust" painted on the back.

[gone_byebye]

Ray's got his own bag in one hand, as he made a point of getting enough fruit to keep Jhalak happy for a good while before leaving the Bar. Given Jhalak's appetites, this is not so much a bag as a sack. The duffle's not a problem, though- there's something about carrying fifty pounds of nuclear accelerator on your back every day of the year as part of your job that makes bags full of road food look like peanuts.

... that didn't come out right.

Anyway, he gestures towards the open doors. "You guys first," he says.

[facile-fivefold.livejournal.com]

"You guys first," Jhalak echoes absently, resettling itself on Ray's shoulder.

It keeps lowering an arm in the direction of the sack and peering at it.

The arm in question is, of course, short.

[gone_byebye]

Ray knows what that shift of balance means, all right, which is why he sets down the duffel briefly and hands up a couple of fuzzy brown fruits from the sack. And a plastic knife, since the peel isn't as tasty as one might hope.

[facile-fivefold.livejournal.com]

"Thank you," says Jhalak politely. "Kiwifruits! Kiwifruits!" "Knife!" "Thank you for kiwifruits." "Thank you for knife."

It's learning manners.

It's also learning crucial skills like how to eat food on Ray's shoulder without getting fruit juice all over his clothes, and of course how to peel kiwifruits.

[gone_byebye]

"You're welcome," Ray says fondly. "Optimus, Garion, Ce'Nedra, this is Jhalak. We've pretty much adopted each other."

[autocommander.livejournal.com]

"A pleasure," the truck says.

Part of it shifts, making a passable set of steep stairs.

"For Her Majesty's convenience," Optimus says pleasantly.

[wellthrownstone.livejournal.com]

Garion gave a pleasant nod to Jhalak.

"A pleasure to meet you."

He leaned over to smile at Optimus.

"Thank you for the ride, incidentally."

[facile-fivefold.livejournal.com]

"Pleasure to meet you," says Jhalak amicably, waving one arm at Garion and one at Optimus as a third feeds its mouth peeled kiwi and the remaining two keep it steady on Ray's shoulder.

Busy little creature, ain't it.

[gone_byebye]

It fits in pretty well around here.

"Ecto sent me the address we're looking for," Ray notes in the meantime. "I'm not particularly familiar with the area, so if anything goes wrong with our directions or GPS signal, she's probably got a better knowledge of the Nevada highway system than I do, and a listening port she always keeps open to the Net, just in case."

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

Don't mind the dryad over yonder, folks - she's just starry-eyed over their ride. "Why thank you," she says, all appreciative-like, and even gives Optimus the courtesy of a curtsy. She gives Jhalak the same. "And a pleasure to meet you too, Jhalak."

She shades her face with a hand and grins. It looks innocuous enough, but the sensation of impending violence following swiftly on its metaphorical heels may set even sentient trucks slightly on edge. "I sincerely hope we don't encounter any trouble on the way - I'd hate to miss the chance to say hello to the man who wrote such a memorable story."

Yeah, that's not sarcastic at all.

[gone_byebye]

"Anybody mind if I stay in the background once we get there?" Ray asks. "I mean, I can arrange the introductions and all, but, um..."

Well, a, he's used to the whole thing where people in other universes think they made his story up, and b, it's not like this Eddings guy wrote about him personally.

(Plus: alibi.)

[autocommander.livejournal.com]

"If you want, Ray, you can stay in the cab while all this is going on. Oh, and someone please grab that duffle? I picked up some more supplies from the Bar beforehand."

The duffle has many things in it. Juice boxes. Bottled water. Beef jerky. Corn nuts. A half-dozen sandwiches. Assorted candies of various classes from gummy bears all the way up to a small box of Godiva (which is marked 'For Queens Only'). An entire box of wet-naps.

No one can say Optimus Prime does not prepare for a trip.

(Meanwhile, one of the guys in the orange van, his head pressed against the window, has woken up as the lights of the truck come on. "Oooh, like, wow, eh!" he says, rubbing one eye while checking his stocking cap with the other.)

[facile-fivefold.livejournal.com]

"Ray stay in the cab," agrees Jhalak. "Jhalak stay in the cab?" "Stay with Ray." Firmly: "Jhalak stay with Ray."

[gone_byebye]

"Probably for the best," Ray says as he moves to get the duffel. "Thank you, both of you."

He passes Jhalak one of the other fruits in his own bag by way of gratitude.

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

"How recognizable are you in your world, Ray?" Ce'Nedra asks, seemingly at random, though the direction of her gaze (at the truck cab lights belonging to the truck that isn't a robot pretending to be something else) may offer some subtle hints at where this line of questioning is coming from.

She understands the need for subterfuge when traveling unexpectedly. Even before meeting Garion, she was good at eluding the palace guards when she actually wanted not to be found. Repeated exposure to Silk and Velvet for long periods of time could only help her understanding of these things. (Although perhaps that does not quite fit the dictionary definition of 'helping' by the standards of anyone not Ce'Nedra. Or Beldaran, in which case Ce'Nedra would readily agree with everyone else.) She also understands the unfortunate tendency for bystanders to find a healthy interest in faces if they have enough time to think about it too long.

"The other truck is starting to wake up. --Thank you, Optimus. You're too kind."

[gone_byebye]

"Locally famous in the New York City area. Out here I'm more likely to be mistaken for the Vice President. He used to be governor of one of the local states," Ray says. "Most people won't know me around here unless I show my identification or give my name."

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

"Ah," Ce'Nedra says. "That's good to hear."

It's a little harder to be innocuous when you've traveled as much as Garion and Ce'Nedra have, and led armies besides; it means everyone's at least a little bit likely to recognize your face when you go off on an Adventure.

[wellthrownstone.livejournal.com]

Garion's been relatively quiet, mostly because he's still brooding. He'd kick himself later for being rude, but it's still bothering him.

He's going to meet the man who wrote his story. He's going to meet the man who made him out of Words. Or perhaps described what already was. The Universe, after all, was a strange strange lady.

He looks over at his little wife and wonders, perhaps, if he should check her for weapons before they go there, but considering that what he'd done before Zandramas, he can't actually make himself do it. He looks to Ray and Jhalak and wonders if he's going to get them in trouble, and what he can do about it, and if this will have lasting repercussions. He'd done things far more innocuous and had it blow up in someone's face before.

Finally, though, he swallows and leans back for the ride to consider what he might say to this Mr. Eddings.

...and if he could point out that the cover art on most of them was painful.

[gone_byebye]

Ray leans back in his seat and fishes around in his bag as they get under way. "I have reading material here that I got for Jhalak," he says. "Since I have to look like I'm driving if any state troopers show up I probably shouldn't read it out loud myself, but you guys are welcome to anything in there. Jhalak, take your pick, it's everything we pulled down at the used bookstore."

[facile-fivefold.livejournal.com]

"Encyclopedia," says Jhalak enthusiastically, pulling out the second volume and settling in to read. "Encyclopedia, encyclopedia."

At least it's mostly out of the habit of repeating everything it reads out loud in a disjointed five-voiced stream.

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

Ce'Nedra - doesn't quite know how to take Jhalak, to be perfectly honest, though she's seen a great many things in Milliways. It would be impolite to stare, much less openly inquire about such things, so soon on their journey, so she attempts to find something else to busy her thoughts about. With that in mind, her eyes settle on the bag of books Ray brought with him.

She nods to Ray, politely, and pulls out the first book she finds, to see what it might be; it turns out to be ... a romance novel, with a very muscular and fervent man in very little clothing on the cover.

The little queen's eyebrows rise appropriately.

[gone_byebye]

"Jhalak liked the pictures on the cover," Ray says, trying and failing to retract his head into his torso. "There were kind of a lot of those. And they were cheap."

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

"It's a better alternative right now than considering the quality of penmanship in Mr. Eddings' written work." There's an implication in there, for all the cheerful aplomb with which she says it, that she's perhaps done enough thinking along those lines that they'd do wise to keep her from doing any more, for their own well-being's sake.

To be fair, Ce'Nedra is not the sort of person to harm a friend, much less anyone she cares for enough to name godparent to her child; however, there is nothing stopping her, nothing at all, from making a list of all the things she intends to say and do to Mr. David Eddings, once they arrive. And she most certainly wouldn't mind explaining it all. In vivid detail. For the entire rest of the trip.

Possibly she'll even write it out in triplicate.

Besides, she kind of likes the cover. It's no Garion, but it's ... appreciable.

She shifts a little.

[gone_byebye]

"... okay, point," Ray says. "There's two or three of those in there. I sort of had to say no after that, because we were already getting weird looks from the people who ran the bookstore. I didn't need them snickering at me too."

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

Ce'Nedra can't help tittering a little. Ray sounds so abashed over such a silly thing.

(She'd laugh at Garion - has laughed at Garion - over comparatively silly things, as well.)

"I'm sure it will be very entertaining," she assures him, looking no end of deviously amused.

She's going to make a show of how entertained she is later on, too, unless Garion puts a stop to her first.

... possibly it's dangerous to go on long trips with Ce'Nedra for reasons that have nothing at all to do with bodily harm.

[gone_byebye]

Is there any way whatsoever that Ray can apologize to Optimus for what's going to wind up happening between here and there, without making matters that much worse?



.... probably not.

[wellthrownstone.livejournal.com]

"Ray? Optimus? Do you know anything else about him? About this Mr. Eddings? Other than what's at the end of the books, I mean?"

Ce'Nedra is angry, but Garion is...

Well, he'd read through the books and while he'd been livid initially, now he's just thinking about it. The Voice had said that every story must be told, but those books had been told from his point of view, other than the two the man had outright stolen from his Aunt Pol and his Grandfather. And once again, almost like clockwork, it came around to

Why me?

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

Ce'Nedra's gaze flicks up and holds steadily on Ray almost immediately upon the words hitting air; she does not interject, however, as she wants to hear what Ray can tell them about Mr. Eddings as well, and goes back to reading her book just as quick as she stopped, though only half as attentive to the details of Rodrigo's mad affection for Maureen as she was earlier (so: not very attentive to her reading material at all, then).

There's something to be said for knowing as much as you can about a man before you meet him, after all. No reason not to be prepared!

(This thought, coupled with a choice moment in the first third of the book, makes her smile.)

[gone_byebye]

Oh thank God. That's easier.

"I tried reading some of his other books in the shop," Ray says. "I wasn't very impressed by High Hunt, and The Losers just lost me after about a page and a half. I know he's supposed to have another series or two set in other worlds entirely, but I couldn't find any of those to look at. I've never heard of him otherwise."

[facile-fivefold.livejournal.com]

"The photosphere's average temperature is 5800 kelvin," Jhalak contributes absently.

[gone_byebye]

Ray just smiles at that and reaches up to scritch whatever appropriate part of Jhalak is nearest. Scientific curiosity in the young is a lovely thing.

[autocommander.livejournal.com]

Optimus motors on. His voice can be lightly heard over the sound of the engine - not bothersome or really obvious, but if you listen you can hear it:

"Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a better way, for me
Oooooooh, I'm driving my life away
Lookin' for a sunny day..."

...it IS a 'truck driving' song. Why not?

[gone_byebye]

Why not, indeed. Beats romance novelizing, that's for sure.

---

Eventually the miles roll away enough to match up with Google Maps' last instructions to "turn RIGHT (500 yds.)", and the Eddings householding appears in the distance. Ray gulps a little and glances over at the other passengers. "Well," he says, "hope you're all ready."

[golden-acorns.livejournal.com]

Ce'Nedra looks up from her romance novel, raising her eyebrows just slightly to indicate she'd heard Ray's announcement.

---
Several minutes earlier - possibly longer ago than that - she'd started amusing herself by going "Oh!" and "Oh my!" and "... isn't that interesting," at various parts of the story that frankly weren't all that interesting, purely to see the effect these comments had on her husband. Ideally, they made him shift uncomfortably and give his wife odd looks every so often when he thought she couldn't see him doing so (she could).

Ray probably enjoyed that. For definitions of "enjoy" that have no correlation to the normal human use of the word.
---

As she nods and rises to her feet, she makes a suspicious shifting movement in her seat that no one who might catch her doing so could be blamed for wishing fervently that they had checked her for any potential sharp objects before they'd arrived at the Eddings household.

She sets her book to the side of her seat, smiling with quiet, gentle dignity and probably immediately setting off about half the warning bells Garion has available for signaling "imminent catastrophe" in his brain. (The other half, naturally, are the ones that go off when it's the Orb going "hm." at something in that way where it means an Adventure might be sort of necessary. It's a very good thing Garion has developed this kind of warning system in his brain.)

"I'm ready," she says, with complete confidence.

... this is going to go so well.

[facile-fivefold.livejournal.com]

"Jhalak ready," it says, turning the page in its encyclopedia. "Ready stay with Ray."

Okay, so it's a little shaky on prepositions. Give it a break, here.

[gone_byebye]

Ray reaches up to pet Jhalak's nearest available leg reassuringly and looks to Garion.

The front door is, after all, right there.

[wellthrownstone.livejournal.com]

He looks at the door for himself, breathing in, almost as nervous as when he'd first stepped off of Faldor's farm and onto the adventure that was his life...

And knocks on the door.