gone_byebye | A trail of aching derrières- next time they'll be more thoughtful

The door opens onto an expanse of asphalt, steel, and glass. Nearby a sign reads:

WELCOME TO WHITE FLINT MALL
BEST PRICES IN THE DC AREA

4708 BETHESDA AVENUE
CHEVY CHASE, MD

It's a big parking lot, with the mall itself only visible off in the distance. Ray gives it the squint-eye before turning to the others. "Okay, people," he says. "This is it. Johnny says it's underground. Egon's best estimates indicate three miles down. Are we good?"

Current Music: Kick In The Ass, Moxy Fruvous

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From:

precocioustilda.livejournal.com

Matilda is flicking her head back and forth between floor and no-longer-neat stacks of paper, assembling her little smiley face as fast as she can, so it takes her a moment to notice that K seems to have done whatever he's done.

"...What is that, anyways?" she asks him curiously, ceasing work on her lovely little floor mosaic. It has a large circular ridge of crumpled-up balls of paper as an outline, two small mountains for eyes, and a wide sweeping smile that bears hints of sticking its tongue out at the observer.

From:

k_in_black

K takes a step back to get a good look at the floor.

"That's a fine piece of work, Matilda. I'll bet it did our friend here some good to see the error of his ways."

"Now this," K holds up the silvery thing, "is a neuralyzer. We use it to make people forget things they shouldn't have seen in the first place. Like, for instance, anything Dave remembers from working on Ray's case."

"Now all we have to do is tell him what to remember instead. Usually, I'd just tell him he was working on something else. Or that he was fired months ago and hasn't worked here at all."

K smirks. "But I get the feeling our friend Dave hasn't been a very nice man at all. So maybe we should be a little more creative this time. What do you think?"

Hmmm. Things aren't looking too good for Dave just now...

From:

precocioustilda.livejournal.com

She grins. "Oh, that's easy. Tell him he made the smiley face in a fit of insanity. You don't need to come up with something he's been doing over the past few months after that. He won't care in the slightest."

For once, her adorable grin has gone beyond a hint of mischief to a suggestion of malice. This Dave person was mean to Ray Stantz, after all. Such an offence rates somewhere between kicking puppies and setting fire to helpless eggplants.

From:

k_in_black

K gives her another thumbs up.

Then turns and says in a hushed but commanding voice: "I'm telling you Dave, you're lucky to be alive trying something like this. The Boss gave you strict orders to wait for our instructions and here you are wandering around on your own making smiley faces. Could you please get a grip?"

K looks at Matilda and shakes his head in faux-disgust about Dave. Then he holds out a hand to her.

"Agent Matilda, if I could have one of those special 'sensors', please?"

Bombs. Sensors. It's such a fine line. Especially when Dave won't know the difference.

From:

precocioustilda.livejournal.com

It takes her a moment to parse that request, but she's only carrying one kind of object that K knows about. A brown paper package is passed over to K, along with a raised eyebrow meant to inquire as to whether or not that was the sort of 'sensor' he meant.

From:

k_in_black

Oh, that will do just fine. He turns and, still glaring, hands it over to Dave.

"Now take this and march straight to the central mainframe room. Do not open the bag. This is a highly sensitive instrument, Mr. O'Connell, and you do not want to have to pay for a replacement."

"Once you're there, you'll need to activate it by--uh, Agent Matilda, what was that procedure again?"

From:

precocioustilda.livejournal.com

There may be a smirk on Matilda's face as she delivers the explanation. "It's simple, really. I had to build it that way to ensure ease of emergency activation. Just pull the thin red cord attached to the corner of the packaging there and it should be up and running within a few seconds. I'd suggest standing back; mild incidental energy discharge has been known to occur with this model."

Ah, the glory of snarky techtalk from six-year-olds. The world will never tire of it.

From:

gone_byebye

O'COnnell blinks a little, glancing back and forth between the two. Then he nods. "Okay," he says. "That's- that's a relief, actually. I can do that. Thank you."

He accepts the package with a sheepish little smile. "I'll go do that now. You guys take care, okay?"

And off he goes.

From:

k_in_black

K watches Dave walk off, and then turns to Matilda with a satisfied smile.

Meanwhile, Dave's tower is starting to smoke after completing the most screamingly fast mass-download of data in the about-to-be-cut-short history of Foliage Census. K picks up his scanner--still nice and cool to the touch--and slips it back into his suit.

"Special Agent Matilda, you've been very patient during the first part of this mission."

He draws the Series 4 Deatomizer, and flicks a switch. With a low whine, it begins powering up.

"How about we get started on the fun part?"

From:

precocioustilda.livejournal.com

She grins. It contains an equal mix of cuteness, malice, and sheer destructive delight.

"D'you mean I get to blow stuff up now?" she asks eagerly, bouncing up and down on her toes and patting the bag of explosives hanging from her shoulder.

After all, it would be impolite of her to get started on the destruction without him.

From:

k_in_black

K's smile couldn't be more proud.

"Matilda, if you can see it, then blast it straight to hell."

Then in a booming shout: "Ladies and gentlemen! This office is officially closed for business by order of Assault Force K-Tilda! I suggest you make your way to the nearest exit. Or to put it another way: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for you to RUN LIKE HELL!!"

K noticed the network node a few cubicles away when Dave first brought them to his cube. And that's the first thing that gets blasted into tiny shards of spinning plastic and metal by the shrieking impact of his Deatomizer.

From:

gone_byebye

The Boston Molasses Disaster (also known as the Great Molasses Flood or The Great Boston Molasses Tragedy) occurred on January 15, 1919, in the North End neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts, United States. A large molasses (treacle) tank burst and a wave of molasses ran through the streets at an estimated 35 MPH (56 km/h), killing twenty-one and injuring 150 others.

This is like that. Only with more people, and more screaming, and less sticky.

Good day to get the hell out of the way, all things considered.

From:

precocioustilda.livejournal.com

Matilda takes out a brown paper package and tosses it up in the air a few times and catches it, rather thoughtfully.

Then she chucks it lightly over the wall of the cubicle, detonating it in midair and giving the resulting explosion just enough of a push to make its effects more interesting. The top halves of several cubicle divisions say their goodbyes to existence.

A similar application is given to quite a few more such packages. She always aims where the people aren't, but other than that there is no restriction on what may be exploded. A patch of ceiling that looked rebellious, for example, is persuaded that its time would be better spent on fire and falling in chunks to the floor.

Needless to say, Matilda is having the time of her life.

From:

k_in_black

That girl has talent.

Tilda's explosions erupt all around him as K fires round after round of blue-white plasma into every piece of expensive tech he sees.

Within seconds the vast cubicle farm is a disaster zone, with alarms shrieking, people screaming, and thundering, shuddering booms echoing through hallways of corporate-gray carpet and flames leaping from the shattered wreckage of forest-green cubicle walls.

K checks his scanner to make sure they're heading toward an exit, then blinks in surprise as he sees they're right next to the area marked in yellow. He turns around to see an important looking door and a face peeking out at the cubicles through the vertical blinds of his interior office window.

Apparently, Alphonse Jannot thought he'd just hang tough in his office.

Well, K smiles behind his shades as he raises his Deatomizer. Isn't that convenient?

From:

gone_byebye

Jannot's office has lasers, one of the very few in the building to be so equipped. He's been relying on them and on the bulletproof glass he had installed ages ago to protect him.
( "What the fuck is that?" "That's Barry coming for you, Mussolini! You better shit yourself while you still have the plumbing!" )
That.... not so much, right now.

The window, the wall, and the part of the drop ceiling containing the laser system's guidance computer all go up in a blast of smoke and fire, leaving a very surprised, very bald man just staring.

From:

k_in_black

Matilda's been seeing K smile all afternoon. Now Jannot sees K smile too.

This smile is different.

K's always had a problem with authority, and it's meatsacks like the one standing in front of him right now that make K wonder sometimes why he even bothers protecting the planet Earth. But he never really forgets why. It's for the sake of people like Matilda. And people like Ray.

And so there he stands. A Man in Black. A rumor, recognized only as deju vu, with anonymity for his name. Wearing a smile guaranteed to ruin the day of any man who desperately craves to be in control. Finally, in a tone that would have earned a high-five from Agent Smith:

"Mis-ter Jannot. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

K is within arm's reach of Jannot barely a second later

From:

gone_byebye

Jannot is not a field agent. He's a bureaucrat. His investigations are done behind desks, through reams of paper and acres of videotape. He does not have the sort of physical skills necessary to do a job like K's.

Short version: his indignant announcement of "I don't know who you are but Security's going to get your ass" is cut short by the fact that he tries to take a step back and instead stumbles mid-sentence.

Oops.

From:

k_in_black

That's fine. Jannot can't fall, not with K hand wrapped around his tie, hauling him back to his feet long enough to shove him against that absurdly large desk.

K voice drops to a growl. "I'd say your Security staff have more important things to worry about right now."

"Pay attention, Jannot. This is our special moment. Just you and I."

From:

gone_byebye

Jannot would like to protest, but that's a bit hard right now. The most he can manage is a slight noise of curiosity; he's trying to decide if he can wriggle out of this guy's way or not. The thought of kneeing him in the crotch hasn't occurred to him yet, and since his hindbrain has better sense than the rest of him and knows its survival chances in single combat, it's not going to occur to him.

From:

k_in_black

Well, if it's any consolation, K's hip is turned enough to deprive Jannot of the chance. And best not to think about what K's hand would have done with Jannot's tie if he had gone for a crotch strike.

"Have I got your attention? I'd better, because what I'm about to say will be the most important thing you've heard in a very long time."

"Stanz. Venkman. Spengler. If you don't know those names, don't learn them. If you do know them, forget them. Now."

"This is good advice, Jannot. I suggest you take it. Because if you don't, We will be back. We're Them. We're They. The ones you pretend to be, but know deep down you're not."

"Forget you ever heard the name 'Ghostbuster.' Or We will be back. Where-ever you are."

"Is that clear?"

From:

gone_byebye

He'd like to argue. Really, he would.

But outside, the cubicle farm is burning. Upstairs, power systems are shutting off one after another after another. On D-level, the only people left are the guards, and that only because some idiot left a roll of duct tape within reach of the residents. On his desk, all the monitors are showing chaos and mayhem unfolding throughout every level of the facility, including the best-secured ones.

He swallows.

"Yessir."

From:

k_in_black

K glares at him for a moment longer, then takes a step back, letting go of Jannot's tie so the man falls back against his desk.

"We will be watching."

"Now get moving."

From:

gone_byebye

For all that he is large, and not in good shape, Jannot can really move when the need to do so is sufficiently urgent. And this? Very, very sufficient.

From:

precocioustilda.livejournal.com

Meanwhile, Matilda has been busy. The cubicle farm is not so much a cubicle farm anymore as a big room full of burning rubble. Also, she has invented a simple process for discovering whether a wall is load-bearing or not: propel a chunk of flaming desk at it at speed. If it goes partway or all the way through, the wall is safe to blow up without endangering any surrounding structures.

Needless to say, she is putting this newfound knowledge to good use.

She selects another innocuous brown package from her bag (it has gotten lighter while K was talking to Jannot, but her supply is not in danger of running out anytime soon) and launches it at a wall that passed the Can I Blow This Up? Test. BOOM.

From:

k_in_black

K returns from Jannot's office, adjusting his tie with the air of a man having a very satisfying day.

He looks around the burning rubble with great approval. "Nice work, Matilda. Very nice work."